7/30/22
im ranting now because its all i can do so couple of life updates
graduated from high school
went to mexico for 3 weeks
best friend moves to texas away from me
i feel so alone more than ever these days like i want to go out with my friends but i usually only hanged out with her what can i do i dont know im just lost and it doesnt make it better that i fought with my dad yesterday and i dont know if today it got better or worse like idk im just stuck in this loop of self pitying myself i just hate it
im 2 months clean but i feel an urge to do it again i want to be in pain i want to be treated as scum i dont know why
i dont know anything
i just want to be perfect but if i hurt myself then it gives me the excuse to be less then perfect
just let me be happy for once

dont get me wrong im grateful and happy at times but something deep inside me thinks its all a lie and im just so annoying and fucking horrible but i just want someone to talk to
no surprises - radiohead

4/7/22
HIII im back after like a month nothing musch happened i just had no motivation but like things are getting better and worse so its just been a loop but at least my package comes today lol!!!!
lesson - ramuda and jakurai duet

3/18/22
DNI!!!!
BREAKING NEWS!!!
I DID NOT GET INTO UCLA
EVERYTHING WAS FOR NOTHING NOTHING AT ALL
i dont really care lol but still im just disappointed
break outta here - 1NM8

3/17/22
hiiiii!!!!
so new event for hypmic is today and im so excited!!!! but like i want jiro's card but like 65 pulls and nothing im giving up so sad hes just so cool
balls in yo jaws nightcore remix

3/16/22
new day and im so hungry and tired
some part of me wishes i can go back to my discord days where i had an online friend group and stayed up all night on vc
but... i did get groomed multiple times so maybe not lol
song of day- pretty old man - no buses

3/15/22
nothing much, its all a loop
no song of the day

3/14/22
relapsing is a pain but a part of me thinks it is part of a system
i relaspe, something good happens
i'm sure it is not a correlation yet in my twisted mind it is but i'm just so confused
in other good news due to the free five star 10 pull in enstars I manifested and bam >< i get my dream a to z chaiki five star which makes it weird and almost an effect due to me relasping but i'm just a silly little person
song of the day- i love you like an alcoholic - the taxpayers

3/13/22
i've accepted being alone yet I can't stop hearing my name being called out and turning to an empty hall
in other words I can't stop procrastinating and I think it is going to cost me later on
song of day- ride out - the cat's whiskers

3/12/22
after having this website for years i'm finally making a blog
song of day- acanthe - valkyrie